we all have this perfect picture in our minds of how things are supposed to be and that's why we all end up being disappointed.

(Today in English because...I have no idea, haha.) 
Christmas should be happy and a time to calm down from all the drama and stress. Forget it! You have to buy presents, prepare parties or diner and meet everyone of your friends. I can't understand this because everybody should know christmas means stress and even we 'have to' meet eachother. Yeah, you want to make sure that you have a strong relationship to them, but that should be sure during the whole year and not only in one or two months. Nobody says we have to do that or we have to be stressed in the christmas time, but every year it is the same stress. I know everybody says that but next year I want to have less drama. Last year I planned to buy christmas presents very early and it worked, two weeks left till christmas eve and I have everything! Yippie! :D / Drama because our 'friend' coundn't meet us. Now we are going to meet just before everybody is going home to celebrate with their families. But she is still annoyed and nobody knows what's going on. I don't care about it anymore because I don't want any drama at christmas (even if we always have drama, no matter what.). / I hate it that I am in a bad mood even there is only one week left till christmas and skiing holidays. :( I'm so exited and can't wait for snow! ♥ / School takes too much time but at least it is worth it. 1- in biology, wuhu! :) 
ok, enough englisch for today, have a great third advent! xxx :):* // 



Imagine reading a book of every conversation where people have spoken about you.
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 Was, wenn du irgendwann mitten in der Nacht aufwachst und merkst, dass alle deine Entscheidungen falsch waren? Wenn du plötzlich anfängst zu hyperventilieren, deine Kehle sich zuschnürt und du vor Panik fast verreckst? Wenn die Einsicht, dass du nicht glücklich mit deinem Leben bist, wie eine eiserne Faust in dein vor Angst schweißnasses Gesicht zuschlägt? Wenn du zur Seite schaust und die Person, die friedlich schlummernd neben dir liegt, nicht die Person ist, die du eigentlich da hättest liegen wollen sehen? Was machst du dann? Gibt es dann einen Weg zurück? Oder haben dir deine eigenen Entscheidungen ein Grab geschaufelt? Hast du jetzt Angst, hast du jetzt Panik? Wirst du jede deiner Entscheidungen neu überdenken um dem zu entgehen, tust du das? Was machst du jetzt? 

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